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| Bunny, patiently waiting for the words to form... |
So today, today, today. Started out as one of those regular ole days of being a mom. Laundry, housekeeping, dinner, chauffeuring, I thought to myself, "WOW, I got this down! THIS is my calling." Then the hormone raging teenager showed up. My super mom attitude went crashing to the ground and slithered out the door. I again thought about my talents...my gifts, what on EARTH am I here for??? My first thought? (After a wife/ mother/ sister?) This blog. I am a friend. I share. I write. I let those in on my secrets. Not secrets of success, so much as just secrets. I am a friend. Remember in Jr. High, that friend you had? You shared everything with? Or you just simply wanted to hear about or hang out with? Maybe. Maybe that is my calling. Maybe this is my calling. To share. If so, here (hear!) goes...
Tonight I cried. My heart broken, several times. My teenager, my friends. I cry and let that part out. How can someone we give life to, then love, nurture, take so delicately care of... spew words of anger and hatred at us? How can they do that? How, why did I ever do that to my mom????? I cry for how much I love these kids and how much I wish I could call my mom and tell her I'm sorry for being 16 and causing worry and all of those things I may have ever said to hurt her. I think of her and I miss her and if I had her here, I could tell her my secrets and my joys and my trials. So then I head to a place I know I can share my secrets and my joys and my trials, only to be closed out. The door closed, no one there. I cry for that. And as I'm laying in a heap worn from the day and the teenager and the friends who aren't able to be there, I remember this place. I remember this writing. See, these words aren't just words for the world wide web, they are words from my heart to my FATHER in Heaven. I write to all of you and God reads them and blesses me through you. I am worn from the day, worn down from the secrets hiding deep within my heart. So I release them... Yes, "Momma said there would be days like this." But haven't I also heard, "Joy, in the morning.." Love you, love me, love you, love me.
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