9.17.12 The Waiting Game

I hate this. I hate waiting. This time around seems much harder. Maybe because I know what to expect from Chemo, Rads, Surgery. I also know the elation of benign. Exuberance. But I remember also, it never, it NEVER is what it seems. It never is what we think it is. But I guess life is that way. We DON'T know what tomorrow brings. Sunshine? Clouds? Smiles? Laughs? Tears? What I do know, what I can decide is that Today, TODAY, I'm going to handle today the best way I know how. Sometimes that means crying. Sometimes that means laughing. Sometimes that means waiting. I have decided that I am going to live all that I can. I am going to continue homeschooling and weekly Bible Study. I am going to continue nightly prayers with my husband. I will NOT give in. I will not turn to drugs, alcohol, or something to "take my mind" permanently away from the situation. I will live THROUGH the situation, even if that means sitting through it. I remember as a child my mom had this time every evening called "quiet time". She sat us lined up on the couch. No talking, no TV, no bothering each other. She sat on the chair at the end of the couch. My dad sat in the other chair, reading the newspaper. The radio played KJNP. We sat and listened. On the coffee table in front of us there sat a clock. "When the long hand reaches the nine, you can get up." We had been fed, bathed and in our jammies. Oh, and no sleeping. It usually was 15-20 minutes. Fidgeting would always start, but after the clock getting started over, it didn't last long. Sleep would settle. By the time it was time for us to get up, we'd head straight for bed. :) Ah mom. Here I am. Sitting in bed, waiting. But I am waiting patiently. I am not drinking away the time or downing pills or cursing away my life. I am simply sitting and waiting. And that's okay. I miss you mom. I know though, I know that through all of this sitting and waiting, it does not compare to the GLORY I will one day see. Thank you mom, thank you for teaching me "Quiet Time" and "The Waiting Game".