Okay, getting deep. Start talking about life or love and you're getting deep. (or politics...) So today is Cupcake Tuesday, and I don't think I've shared this but these last couple of weeks have been a doozy for me. Struggling with depression. At my last appointment with my oncologist for my last chemo, he said the next couple of months will be the hardest yet. You won't have cancer or chemo. For the last year it's been part of you. (Now thinking, I guess it's kind of like a break up, and it sucks.) I know it may be hard for some people to understand, but I've had this THING. I can blog about it, be worried about it, cry about it, laugh about it and feel like it's just THERE. I hated it, I hated the chemo, the rads, the hospital, the being in bed but I had an excuse. I had bad hair days= chemo. I stayed in bed= chemo. I felt like crap (mentally/ physically)= chemo/ rads/ cancer. So for those who know my story BC (before cancer), the winter before I was diagnosed I had a rough winter. Mentally, physically, emotionally. The winter the darkness, it was all getting to me. I couldn't seem to feel happy or to feel like me... I visited a friend I shared and she told me, start thanking God for the little things. Your car, your kids, whatever. Little did I know, God was preparing me, for THIS. I will be honest here. I have been laying on the couch or in bed doing the bare minimum. Towards the end of the day I felt terrible. Like physically sick. Now this is/was all creeping up on me. I have continued to bake cupcakes on "Cupcake Tuesday", because it is something I love to do. I love to be in the kitchen. I love to bake! I also decided for the month of July I would fast from spending money. So now life... I have been letting my life depend on money I spent, cupcakes I bake. Life doesn't depend on your bank account or how many cupcakes you bake. It doesn't depend on how many miles you run, how often you fish, your addictions or weaknesses. It does not depend on how big your garden is or how much food is in your freezer. Life depends on YOU. What you will do today that will make you happy. So you bank account is empty, smile. You can't run a marathon today, smile. Your fishing pole (rod) broke, smile. You have an addiction or weakness, smile. Your garden (gulp) is withering, smile. Your freezer is low, smile. You ran out of cupcake liners...smile. You have life, you have, LIFE. No matter how crappy, trust me it's better than chemo...lol! TRUST ME! Love you, love me, love you, love me!
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