I knew when I started my posts about my diagnosis, I was going to face things, I didn't want to. I knew there would be times when I would be afraid to go through, all that I was going through, medically, emotionally, physically. What I didn't know was that everything in my life that I was obedient to God about was going to help me overcome the trials I would and will continue to face. I entered my first Al-Anon meeting 4 years ago next month. My life was unmanageable. I thought it was others. I thought the people around me were causing the chaos. I stopped to look and see that I had issues. I had things I needed to take care of in me. One of those issues was my co-dependency. This doesn't mean I thrived on others dependency. Or they NEEEDED ME. No, this was I NEEDED them, I NEEDED their problems so they could be my problems. So I could take the focus off of me and the help I needed. If I am busy fixing for others I can't fix myself. (I do this by the way with a lot of different things.) I would rather do my some chores rather than others. Avoidance if you will. So getting to now... My co-dependency took a back seat. I stopped being co-dependent on those closest to me and then I was diagnosed with cancer. I couldn't take care of anyone, except myself. I had to look at all the good in me. I had to focus on the good in me. I had to repeat the blessings to know where I had come from. Now, a few months out from underneath breast cancer, and I am re-building relationships that have been put on hold for the last year. I am reconnecting with others. It's been more difficult for me than I initially thought. I thought, get out there, have coffee, enjoy conversation. But there have been certain people I have let bully me in the last couple of months. I have let them determine my happiness, my joy, my anxiously around them. I don't want this for of co-dependency. The Bible says
For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying
to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a
servant of Christ.
I only want to please God first. To all of my friends, be patient with me, I will come around. I still love each and everyone of you.
Love you, love me, love you, love me!
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